Yellah-Bellied

Monday 14 - Tuesday 15

I s'pose I'll jump right in. I was all ready Monday morning to go and talk to the supervisor about what I should do. Well at least I liked to think I was. Because quitting seems like such a cardinal sin I knew it would be easier said than done. By the time I go to class I wasn't sure if I could actually go through with the whole, I can't stand it here thing. I mean, it is true that I, at times (most times) cannot stand it here, there are also times that make me want to stay. Or perhaps I don't want to be the girl that gave up. Thinking that there are others in my very same position likely feeling the same desire to throw their hands in the air and call it quits but sticking it out made me feel a little sheepish. I had told a girl in my class that I would go with her to talk about our concerns after our final on Wednesday so I felt the need to stick it out until then. I also looked at the prices of flights and I don't want to say that was a main determinant but it kind of was. Flights during this week were very expensive and it would be unreasonable for me to fly out until at least the weekend. This got me thinking that if I was stuck here until Saturday or Sunday I had made it past the thresh hold and because I am already leaving early on the 1st I would only have a week and a half to get through. If I can't do that then I am not the girl I thought I was. So for now here I wait. It also seemed impossible to march into the supervisors office and say this program isn't working when I am in fact learning some French and I did well on my exam. This however does not make my feelings towards the rest of the program better, it just makes me look more like a quitter. I couldn't have that. And the only reason I am doing well is because I have an amazing teacher.

So Monday morning came and went, I chickened out of quitting, had lunch, registered for my final year of university (potentially) and went to our afternoon activity.

This activity involved preparing for a sketch night (our evening activity). Although this was a great idea it took my group forever to finalize and idea and put it on paper, this was followed quickly by dinner and the evening activity of all the skits. Most were funny, and a great deal of them just happened to depict the monitors speaking too quickly, being confusing, and handing out the dreaded yellow papers to people who spoke English. It was nice to see that it wasn't just us level ones who found this program to be overwhelming, it was in fact, everyone.

The unfortunate thing about this was that the evening activity didn't end until around 9pm leaving me no time to study for my oral exam the next day. No worries though because I have decided that I refuse to be stressed and I can only do what they give me time for. I walked with my old roommate and fellow level one-er to grab some ice cream and we quizzed each other on the walk. It was good.

Tuesday morning I woke up absolutely exhausted. It took me nearly half an hour to finally put my feet on the ground, open my eyes and get going. Class was a slow process of oral exams in the hall. She went alphabetically so I was stuck waiting for what seemed like forever. I think it went well. Or at least I'm considering it well because let's be honest two weeks ago I wouldn't have even been able to understand what she was asking.

Today was free of activities because tomorrow everyone has final exams for this first course.

After lunch I decided it would be a good idea to nap (which is usually impossible with our time frame). I ended up in a near coma sleep for 3 and a half hours! I could not get out of bed to save my life. Luckily my next door neighbour came over for a visit which forced me into coherence. By the time I woke up it was time for dinner.

I didn't accomplish much except I spent some time looking for tickets in places that Paul McCartney is touring this summer. Mostly everything is sold out and flights are expensive. Perhaps that is a dream that will have to be put back on the shelf until next time.

I spent the evening studying, I went for a swim, and now it is time for bed. Hopefully the test goes well tomorrow!

Today I learned:

• Giving up and calling it quits might make it easier to start fresh and continue?
• 19th birthdays don't seem to be as big of a deal in the provinces where 19 is legal in comparison to 18 at home - which is always a to-do

I am grateful for:

• My amazing prof who made us cupcakes with icing on the top and bottom today!